speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
