hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
