Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
