im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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