don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
