ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
