Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
