He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
