Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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