i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
