Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
