thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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