I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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