i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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