When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
