If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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