On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize