Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize