I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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