U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
