upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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