I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
