I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
