hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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