i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
