HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
