I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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