The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
