ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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