You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
