dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
