We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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