Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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