i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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