we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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