I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
