His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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