i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found puke in my bra..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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