dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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