youre lurking in front of me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
