He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
