Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
