I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize