The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
