Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
