I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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