I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
