took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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