Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize