So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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