I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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