Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
