Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
