This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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