Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
