Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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