Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
