I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize