In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
