fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
