you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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