Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize