Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm passing your future prison.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
