i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
