I wish I could punch you in the face.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize