Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are the jesus of drinking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
