census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize