Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
