You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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