i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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