just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PANTIES FOUND
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