I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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