his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
