and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
