I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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