My brain says no but my pants say off.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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