someone threw a dead crab at me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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