Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
