we have pet lesbian snakes
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I supernannyed him into submission
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
