You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
