They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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