Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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