I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
