I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
