I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
