I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
