that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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