made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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