who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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