You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize