he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
