I just made out with a guy for $7.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
