I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
