It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
