I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
