I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
