I faked an abortion last night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
