Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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