my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
